Like House famously and frequently said, “Everybody lies.”
Not only are most of us guilty in affirming this statement, most of us have a dysfunctional relationship with our lies, which keeps us away from the lives we wish we had.
One of the underlying causes is that most of us have tremendous difficulties dealing with our negative emotions in a healthy way. But how could we not? Therapy doesn’t come free or accessible—worse, in some cultures (including our own), it comes with stigma.
Most of us are not given the tools to properly deal with our negative emotions, so how do we learn? And what do we learn?
We learn best from what we see around us, and what we see around us is mostly wounded people in distraction, destruction, and avoidance, occasionally applying Band-Aids to cover up, all the while convincing themselves to carry on. I have been one of these people, and I have known people still carrying on this way well into their 40s, 50s, and even 60s.
Losing who we are and becoming a vessel of the energies around us is, sadly, a trajectory that most of us will take at some point in our lives, men and women alike, though we process and project these experiences differently. Jane Fonda admits (in her most recent Vogue interview) that only after 80 did she stop living a double-exposed life. I am fortunate to have turned around at 29.